A Letter To God, 3.5.22, 10:46pm

Dear God,

…..I am lonely. At least that’s how I feel. It’s the only thing I can think of right now as I sit here with the cold or flu. Probably the flu. I just know I came back from fashion week in Vegas sick as ever. Anyways, if I’m being completely honest, I feel lonely in a way that some days I wish I had a partner, a friend, a lover. One that can’t do what a regular friend can’t is what I mean. I’m okay with being alone but feeling flat out lonely sucks ass, for sure. Sometimes I’m in need of some skin to skin, someone to prepare my bath water, doesn’t mind preparing a meal for me sometimes, will just sit and talk to me, confide with me, hold me and make sure I’m okay. I simply want all the things that I can reciprocate as well. Is that too much to ask for?

I do feel sometimes we are put in positions when we need to experience what we feel like is loneliness, but a time to be alone with ourselves, to dig deeper, learn ourselves, our wants and needs, gain more wisdom and knowledge. It’s a time to remember who tf you are. How can you be with anyone else and even friends without knowing you and how to be alone with self first? So yes I know I was very emotional in that first paragraph, but I also know that lonely feeling is temporary. I’ve also planned a list of things to do on my own soon as I can leave the house. Yes, I’m doing things on my own. No friends invited. Not to be mean, just tired of planning things with folks, waiting on folks or being on others time and just want to experience some things alone. I have so many dates planned for myself already.

So God, despite how I feel, I thank you. Throughout my darkness, there is still a light that shines. There is beauty in this pain. Yeen never steered me wrong, so why would I lose my faith now. The path has already been cleared for me and eventually my love will come.

Sincerely,

Martinaene